A day in the life of a fruit and vegetable delivery driver..

I am now entering my third week working part time delivering fruit and vegetables to people’s houses across London. Many things catch my eye in this extraordinary period we are all experiencing.

Amongst the fewer cars and very little congestion, it is the delivery vehicles, emergency services and the largely empty red Double Decker buses that appear mostly to occupy our roads. Most drivers including the bus drivers are patiently allowing each other through and each time we wave a hand to say ‘thank you.' A higher number of cyclists and joggers too are making use of our emptier roads and streets. It is the all too familiar black cabs that are noticeably not present. 

I drive on into Wandsworth. The children are happily enjoying their brief interlude of being outside in the streets, playing with a kite, hopscotch or with some ball upon the careful watchful eye of their mothers and being told to keep their distance. Mothers are talking to one another across the streets without the noise of cars (except my own purring electric one) or a plane above which under normal circumstances, would make their conversations entirely inaudible.  Amusingly I notice the fathers taking it upon themselves to do their duty and pushing their sleeping babies in their prams whilst going for a nice stroll.

I drive through Clapham on toward Greenwich, South East London and enter a street upon a hilltop of identical looking Victorian houses. People are doing DIY on their homes. I observe a man standing on his ladder outside his semi detached house. This particular gentleman clearly wanted to be different; he took it upon himself to paint his house bright red. Here, like in South West London, there are many spring blossom trees covering almost the entire residential streets with fantastic array of white, blue pink and yellow colours. It seems urban nature is displaying its magnificence and no doubt taking this moment to breathe their new lease of life.

I head Northwards to Stoke Newington, Tottenham Vale and the North East. I could not help noticing something outside my normal world; a Jewish community in their traditional clothes walking the streets, entire families keeping close to one another at the same time keeping themselves apart from other families, with their children beautifully dressed in bright tasteful colours and similar patterns of clothing. They seem happy with little concern on what might be going on in the outside world. It then occurred to me they were celebrating their Passover. In Highbury many young men and women in modern semi high rise buildings sitting on their balconies either reading their books or tapping on their laptops, generally relaxing and soaking in the glorious sunshine.

It is the cleanliness of London that also caught my attention, very little litter in the parks, on our pavements and on the side of our roads. With almost entire high streets shops closed, pubs have transformed themselves into bakeries. There are the large queues outside the supermarkets in some places as long as the eye can see. The long queues too outside the small garden centres, the pharmacies, the local butchers and particularly large are the ones outside the occasional wine merchants. It is the social distancing that makes them appear long and yet with a little patience I guess they move quickly enough.

I witness too the suffering. There is an increased level of sirens and ambulance drivers on our main roads. They turn their sirens off once they enter a residential street so as not to abruptly frighten this peaceful new way of life that we are slowly coming to terms with. An elderly looking gentleman is taken out of his home in a wheelchair with a heavy mask around his face. He is carefully taken into the ambulance and driven off to the closest hospital where no doubt our formidable nurses and doctors will take care of him.  And at times I deliver fruit and vegetables to those who are suffering from this terrible illness. It takes a simple knock on the door to inform them that food is outside. I feel they too are not forgotten.

A life exists in London but it is a different one. A respectful, calmer, patient and more compassionate world appears to shine through on what might be considered at times a darkened and more brutal one. A kindness seems to have descended upon this great city. And nature appears to be enjoying its brief interlude of its newly found freedom. Even when looking out from my own home in Twickenham, a plane normally descends every 45 seconds, today there are practically none. Frankly I don’t miss them. Instead, the birds and lots of them are singing unusually frantically as if for the first time telling us they are in charge. Above all, it is this time for one other that is so precious and discovering what is essential in our needs, something I felt we had lost in the days if not years before, as I endeavour to drive on in this eye opening journey under this testing time of Easter….

Happy Easter to you all!!

A trip to lost property?

A lady had lost her purse and passport after she had been travelling to her destination by train. She became frantic. Her friends and family searched and helped her to backtrack through her muddled thoughts. Someone suggested, ’have you tried the lost property at the police station?’

After seeing through all options to no avail she went to the lost property at the police station and explained her predicament. The person at lost property said, ‘Ah madam. I am so sorry to hear this. Just wait a moment and I will see what I can do.’  10 minutes later after the lady had waited patiently, the man came back and asked, ‘Your passport is secure although I am afraid was delivered to the UK Home office for security reasons and is this the purse that you have been looking for?’ At that moment the lady jumped with joy, and shouted ‘Yes it is!’ She was so relieved as she quickly regained confidence in all those willing to help.

Another gentleman went to lost property and said, ’I lost my job’

‘Ah’ said the man at lost property. I can see your predicament and a challenging one to boot. Hold on a moment, if you give me 10 minutes I’ll be back in a tick.’ 

He came back with a small envelope. 'Here you are, a little envelope of good contacts, tips, leads and those that can nurture your talents to bring you back into the right direction with a little bit of money; all to help get you back onto your feet again. You’ll be fine.’ 

     

A young man working from home was staring outside from across the room through his dirty windows. He felt the loss of light and for months now he was pondering on his windows that really needed cleaning. Except he could not find the energy to deal with it whilst he had so much on his plate. 

The man from lost property came back with an idea.  Suddenly there was knocking at the door. Two English lads were there canvassing to clean windows. The young man stood and thought well why not? He then offered a decent price so they could get on with it. Shortly thereafter, and the next day at his work, the sun was streaming through his windows that had revitalized so much energy and positivity in his work place and into his ‘new’ home office.

A business man who appeared a little shaken, went to lost property and said to the man, 

’I lost a deal, what shall I do?’

'Hmm, you lost a deal.  Have you lost deals before?’ Was it a big one?'

‘Well yes and it depends what you mean by big. Something happened, well this is different, it is hard to explain.’

‘I see. Just a moment. I’ll be back in minute.' The guy from lost property came back. 'Try not to worry. You have come to the right place. I cannot give you that deal back, but I can say this. Try to understand in yourself what you did wrong without passing blame on others and then learn to accept it and next time you make a deal let it come naturally, in good time, with meaning, according to your conscience, farsightedness, and by trusting your own intuition and your own values. This way I am certain, next time you will win.’

The last man went to lost property and said ‘I have a lost my faith...’ 

The man at lost property stood calm and by now was feeling quite challenged and exhausted. This was a tough one. He gave it a thought. 'Hold on a moment. Let me see if I can find anything.’ He disappeared for 10 minutes and then came back. ‘I cannot find a pot of gold, a fast car with a woman sitting in it, with everything in the right places, a holiday in Ibiza or anything of that nature, except I can only suggest you to find those close to you, those that love you, those that you trust, and are positive and are willing to listen to so as to reassert yourself and to help find your peace of mind. Then just take it from there and for heaven’s sake don’t do anything stupid!’    

Behind every material or immaterial loss is a personal gain

How can we manage stress?

I fear is a topic that is fast becoming a real challenge in our modern day lives. It is just as much linked to our fears as it is to our health and well being. Yet it is a complex topic as it differs to each person and interpreted differently according to the human time cycle. It can just as much affect our private lives as to our career. Stress cannot really be dealt with in a written page and I would prefer to examine it through examples. The worst forms are the ones which can lead to burn out and are commonly prescribed in a general level as to one’s aspirations that have quickly collapsed resulting into a lack of interest or indifference into our work. The danger is that our defence mechanism weakens and it can turn into a depression and deep unhappiness  resulting to more harm onto yourself and perhaps even to others around you.

In reality it can also be associated with a cross range of topics such as work overload, or inefficiencies, deadlines, lack of recognition in our work, work/life balance, poor sleep and diet, rushing about not allowing time to think nor to reflect, noise, driving, debts, high risk taking, grievances and so on. Deeper issues such as lack of meaning in our careers and lives, resulting to general demotivation in which in more severe cases issues of identity, beliefs and conflicting values in you, would require redressing.

One time quite recently I had met a group of civil servants from the European Commission. I asked them the most common difficulty in their work place. Their response was that in general many employees felt unrewarded in what they did. Most bright new people that entered into this organisation came in with dreams and aspirations of perhaps the European ideal. Nowadays this is quickly vanquished. It becomes a job for a salary. An example they gave was some civil servants get asked by their bosses to do wonderful projects that carry meaning for a common good or greater purpose. After many months or longer of hard work and once the project almost comes to an end, there’s been a change and it is all of a sudden binned before any positive impact might come about. They say this is common practice. Not surprisingly we can feel unrewarded. We can quickly not care and or become indifferent. For those who try harder, this can turn to stress, unhappiness and even burnout. How would you address this? We can address this at individual level, yet if it is a wider problem, then issues of leadership and political governance might have to be addressed.

Another example could be when another person is mistreating you in business and we could look at management ruled by fear. It could be that your manager knows that he or she pays your salary and may feel authorised to order you around, exploit you to his or her convenience where you could quickly fall victim. The bigger the status this person carries, the more fearful he or she could be. These situations can quickly turn a culture, toxic and highly stressful. Someone who rules by fear is a reflection of weakness and cowardice from that person therefore the problem is with him/her, not in you. Don’t allow yourself to be bullied nor intimidated and don’t allow the problem to turn onto you. Self-confidence, self-control and courage are much needed attributes here to defend your own territory and integrity.

The fundamental real dangers of stress, if not managed well, are that the mind and the body need that release mechanism which quickly becomes empty and somehow it needs to be fulfilled to replace this emptiness. We could lapse into some form of pleasure seeking such as exaggerated urges of drink, sex, or online porn gambling amongst others in some deceptive manner or denial that somehow we feel cured whilst really we remain undervalued, each time lessening our hope for a brighter future and a worsening of our own self-esteem. Some might become intolerable whilst in a social environment; others might be so embarrassed in how intolerable they are and simply close themselves up. If we were to hear something nasty or idiotic, a common response is ‘this person has issues’ or ‘it’s his midlife.’ In many ways you could be right but we don’t know anything or what happened to this person.

For those who feel this could be happening to you, try never to despair. There will always be some small flame however small it may be that needs rekindling telling us to live and change. There are always others, friends and family there to help you to help yourself to redefine who and what you are. A good boss with foresight would detect issues arising with one of the co-workers and would instantly try to identify them and meet the needs through training or other help in order to bring this person back to his or her potential. 

From a personal level I have understood many aspects of my own earlier life stresses. Having analysed back then the root causes I came to the conclusion that my main driver in business quickly became money and my aspirations were purely superficial. It made me acquire very little beliefs and conviction leading to a lack of fulfilment and confusion. Thankfully this had changed as something had to give and I began to understand that life had a greater meaning and of purpose which in turn had a positive impact in my behaviour and my actions. 

How would I advise an unexpected stressful situation? I would advise the importance of creating an environment of calm, with emotional self-control, & patience, in so as to have time to think if need be before making a decision. Yet this is all easier said than done as humanity as I am all too aware remains vulnerable and imperfect.

Is it the little things that matter most?

At times we may get distracted by shareholders, politics and our competitors or simply a case of being too self-absorbed and yet as so often the case it is the small things and in how we relate to others that matter in life and that can matter most. A simple smile can make the world of difference to your colleague. A compliment can really lift a person’s day. Rather than the superficial courtesies, it is the simple genuine thank you’s, pleases or or how is your day going when given consistently that can work wonders. All humans beings at all level deserve recognition and to be treated with kindness and respect. Sometimes it is these details we take for granted that we forget that can have very serious consequences.  

Sir Alex Ferguson, one of football's greatest coaches and a great leader, shared some of his secrets in a short film. He took a personal approach to what mattered most in his organisation. The staff, the players and their families. He got this right and it would show on the pitch and then delight the fans. Not just all the players. he also knew everyone's first names in the entire organisation, the reception lady, cleaner or laundry woman. He knew their names because he took an interest in what they were all doing and how they were progressing. Something leaders often forget that it is just as much about the staff in the reception desk as it is the star biller in an office.

One time I wondered into a supermarket. I reached the counter and the lady at the cashier almost fell apart. Whilst I was paying and started thanking her, I asked if everything was alright. She responded that it was sometimes very tough to be in this chair and simply not to be recognised. She mentioned that typically most customers, who pay, are for example very busy on the mobile phone, impatient and pay no attention to her. She apologised in that it was sometimes very difficult. Then she shouted out at the top of her voice. ‘I exist!’

Another time a chap took the Eurostar to the continent and whilst he was passing through the security baggage check in. As you can imagine it was busy, yet all seemed to go well and it wasn’t until he reached the queues of the passport office he realised he did not have his on him. Frantically he looked all over and began to retrace his steps. Fortunately one of the security ladies ran over with a concerned and determined expression and asked. ‘Is it your passport that you left behind at the baggage security check in?’

‘Yes it must be.’ He replied with great relief.

He followed her back to retrieve it while she began to explain how she had searched everywhere for me. She then handed it over.

‘You are an angel’ were the only words that he could think of.

She thanked him with a huge smile, and said that that was the nicest thing anyone had said to her all day.

The small things can yield great dividends

How can I resolve a conflict?

We all have personal stories. Many are exciting, adventurous and even inspiring. Yet sadly many have stories that are conflictual that can cause harm to one other or are self-inflicted. The types of harm can be emotional, physical or mental. Some can be very personal, where deep suffering can occur, which can even break a person. The source of all conflict is our failure to handle loss or broken bonding. It will always start at individual level and if not handled well, the conflict can resonate and divide families, societies, businesses and nations. This source of conflict can lead to anger or hatred, even violence and vengeance, more so if it is under false objectives or at the expense of the common good.

Some deeper issues of conflict can be very difficult to resolve. It requires great strength of character, with a certain amount of patience (linked to time), courage, humility and forgiveness in the person who is personally involved. Men and women with great experience perhaps in their own lives would best be able to attempt to help others in these situations if called to do so.

In order to attempt to resolve conflicts, here's the thing. Accredited psychologists from Maslow to Freud have made the distinction between the two; material interests or personal needs. Interests in this case are tangible. This can be jobs/career, money, land, materials, and just simply things. We can trade this stuff and they can be chopped and changed, negotiated and compromised. Whereas needs, this is different. These are linked to our identity, inner security, values, respect or recognition which is down to the very core nature of our own human dignity. These needs that we carry in our hearts and minds are not for trading and not to be compromised. The most damaging conflicts are linked to our needs. One would have to be pretty on top of oneself to crack the nut and be able to distinguish between the two if you are personally involved in them. To make it sound simple, if you make a decision on an interest that may compromise your own integrity, good luck! Unfortunately this can happen as we are unwilling to cut our losses by exposing a small part of ourselves as we wish to show. 

When there is a conflict of interests (jobs and material) involving different parties, mixed up with a lack of personal needs (identity&values), this results in a problem. If this situation persists long enough, there will, virtually in all cases, be a value breakdown,  a breach in trust occurs, increased barriers arise and a time of crisis may unfold as the problems will slowly be revealed. A value breakdown would have to stem from something rotten in the foundation or at the source.

Let’s take some of the deeper problems we have already experienced in some of our businesses or in finance as an example, where we deal with money (interest). How can we make this interest turn on its head by respecting the needs whereby regaining the much needed confidence, and trust in humanity or our society? Well, with some ingenuity, one solution could be to create your money for a purpose fitting to the times of today. An example could be sustainability. Create a mission statement, ‘we make our money work for ecological development and employment.’ You have a win-win outcome. The needs are respected and no longer trampled on as we start believing in ourselves whilst our insecurities subside. We start blending the two as we avoid creating dangerous conflict, harm or any long term suffering or damage not just to ourselves but to others.

In short, great personal awareness, grace and poise with a ῝maître de soi῞ is needed so as to re-define our purpose.  What do I have to lose? In the long term you will win. You will reach the heights of your goals, hopes and dreams despite the transient opposing forces or circumstances. You will find that conflict moves away elsewhere as it is uncovered or self-destructs thanks to the unique virtues that you hold. The life of the green shoots from the banks of the flowing rivers will blossom. This is our enduring promise. This is how some of the greatest of men in the history of mankind have existed including many quietly behind the scene of all types. Men and women of meaning like Gandhi or Malala Yousafzai. Those with with the inner peace, of untold belief and of vision. And those with joy bearing a great standing and understanding that have entered into the realm of our living history.

'Just imagine what I can do'

Why?

This is a question we may ourselves regardless whilst searching for answers to justify our acts resulting from our own lack of comfort or peace of mind. Why does nothing ever seems to go right whenever I might or ‘might not’ make a decision? Why do I often feel so disappointed, either with myself or with others? Why am I not rich? Why do I feel so unhappy in my job or even hate my job? Why am I unable to fulfill a long lasting loving relationship or end up watching online pornography? All this online stuff and the drink? Why do I hate myself? Why am I so often angry, get manipulated or abused or feel walked over? Why am I emotionally void or physically in so much pain? The drugs. Why are they prescribing them to me? This dark tunnel where I am longing to see some light. This vicious circle which continues to torment me, this Jekyll and Hyde in me is pulling me into a bottomless pit. Why is this happening? Why do I even exist? I don’t understand, it’s just not fair and sometimes I can’t take it anymore…..

Are these fearful questions ?   Of  course they are.

I make no claim as some miraculous guru who expects to give answers to such deep and potentially alarming questions, nor will I do myself justice to make any attempt to.  Yet in some cases immediate answers and help will be required to those who sadly might feel deeply unhappy or close to being either mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically broken. Is our Google screen or our virtual world really the solution? Maybe we can tackle this differently as the question  'why' as so often the case is to do with something that has already happened and in this instance most likely connected to our past shames, our erroneous ways or harmful acts that we might be aware or unaware. Let’s break this down in to three letters.  W.H.Y.

W can stand for WAIT…..

If we wait rather than seeking immediate answers, or acting on impulse or even running, the answers will come. In time the truth and of the unknown linked to our past will always bear fruit at various times in our own lifetime. Patience is a great virtue worth living for that can help us to cope and bring out of us a sense of calm and self-control. If we wait diligently, we will find a way of living that is more humanly sustainable for long lasting and inner happiness.

H can stand for HOPE…..

Hope is a form of longing to live for something greater, something positive, and simply getting there. A deep desire to attain total happiness almost deservingly so. Here we can learn to trust too, not just in ourselves and others but into something greater than just ourselves. This way this hope that we carry and ingrained in us, can keep us going. Eventually something or someone will help us to reach our aspirations, out of our discouragement and into a type of solace that can eventually inspire us to act in the right way and all will be ok…….always.

Y can stand for YIELD....

Yield is a form of giving way as we potentially make that step, and submit ourselves as we recognise our faults then learn to accept. We surrender ourselves, our bad habits, our past wrongs, and our shames.  We will feel totally vulnerable. A fear we can overcome as we put down our arms and lay bare.

I knew an individual in business who suffered his own ‘depression’ some 8 years ago. It was just something in him saying that something was not right, and that he had had to change in his acts. He recognised he had been an arrogant person and had been a ‘taker’ for too long, leading a callous lifestyle of instantaneous gratification for short term thrills in business and in private often correlated with sex, money and power or status. He had submitted defeat in his fears of losing his inner and outer battles after eventually being broken and  having his aspirations crushed. A long solitary painful cry went out....W.H.Y?

And then it came, together with outside help, a mysterious and yet glorious gentle touch of love even mercy that picked him out from the bottom of that pitfall of mud and of despair. Following many sorrows, he had found his way back up into something greater. He had found a key, a key that had unlocked him, into his genuine self and his life started to transform professionally, socially and privately. It took great humility. He became a true Man. 

In short let’s try to refrain ourselves from the question ‘why’ to all our problems, wrong doings or mistakes, instead over time continue to hope, and submitting all and accepting all. Once we learn to accept, we can overcome them and instead ask ourselves, what is it that I must do in order to solve this or that burden I carry? What is it that I must change to overcome my own weaknesses? Where in myself can I make an effort to act differently? What is it that I must do to find forgiveness for the harm, not just for what I have done to myself but also for what others have done to me?

Once we find the key, who knows? I suspect another world will treat you differently, and give you another chance. It may present to you with problems and great challenges  for you to solve and opportunities for you to dive into, drawing onto your own real expertise, renewed talents and skills with greater clarity, courage, and joy.

Aide-toi et le ciel t’aidera

A trip to lost property?

A lady had lost her purse and passport after she had been travelling to her destination by train. She became frantic. Her friends and family searched and helped her to backtrack through her muddled thoughts. Someone suggested, ’have you tried the lost property at the police station?’

After seeing through all options to no avail she went to the lost property at the police station and explained her predicament. The person at lost property said, ‘Ah madam. I am so sorry to hear this. Just wait a moment and I will see what I can do.’  10 minutes later after the lady had waited patiently, the man came back and asked, ‘Your passport is secure although I am afraid was delivered to the UK Home office for security reasons and is this the purse that you have been looking for?’ At that moment the lady jumped with joy, and shouted ‘Yes it is!’ She was so relieved as she quickly regained confidence in all those willing to help.

Another gentleman went to lost property and said, ’I lost my job’

‘Ah’ said the man at lost property. I can see your predicament and a challenging one to boot. Hold on a moment, if you give me 10 minutes I’ll be back in a tick.’ 

He came back with a small envelope. 'Here you are, a little envelope of good contacts, tips, leads and those that can nurture your talents to bring you back into the right direction with a little bit of money; all to help get you back onto your feet again. You’ll be fine.’ 

     

A young man working from home was staring outside from across the room through his dirty windows. He felt the loss of light and for months now he was pondering on his windows that really needed cleaning. Except he could not find the energy to deal with it whilst he had so much on his plate. 

The man from lost property came back with an idea.  Suddenly there was knocking at the door. Two English lads were there canvassing to clean windows. The young man stood and thought well why not? He then offered a decent price so they could get on with it. Shortly thereafter, and the next day at his work, the sun was streaming through his windows that had revitalized so much energy and positivity in his work place and into his ‘new’ home office.

A business man who appeared a little shaken, went to lost property and said to the man, 

’I lost a deal, what shall I do?’

'Hmm, you lost a deal.  Have you lost deals before?’ Was it a big one?'

‘Well yes and it depends what you mean by big. Something happened, well this is different, it is hard to explain.’

‘I see. Just a moment. I’ll be back in minute.' The guy from lost property came back. 'Try not to worry. You have come to the right place. I cannot give you that deal back, but I can say this. Try to understand in yourself what you did wrong without passing blame on others and then learn to accept it and next time you make a deal let it come naturally, in good time, with meaning, according to your conscience, farsightedness, and by trusting your own intuition and your own values. This way I am certain, next time you will win.’

The last man went to lost property and said ‘I have a lost my faith...’ 

The man at lost property stood calm and by now was feeling quite challenged and exhausted. This was a tough one. He gave it a thought. 'Hold on a moment. Let me see if I can find anything.’ He disappeared for 10 minutes and then came back. ‘I cannot find a pot of gold, a fast car with a woman sitting in it, with everything in the right places, a holiday in Ibiza or anything of that nature, except I can only suggest you to find those close to you, those that love you, those that you trust, and are positive and are willing to listen to so as to reassert yourself and to help find your peace of mind. Then just take it from there and for heaven’s sake don’t do anything stupid!’    

Behind every material or immaterial loss is a personal gain