Tuesday, 21 March 2017

How can I resolve a conflict?


We all have personal stories. Many are exciting, adventurous and even inspiring. Yet sadly many have stories that are conflictual that can cause harm to one other or are self-inflicted. The types of harm can be emotional, physical or mental. Some can be very personal, where deep suffering can occur, which can even break a person. The source of all conflict is our failure to handle loss or broken bonding. It will always start at individual level and if not handled well, the conflict can resonate and divide families, societies, businesses and nations. This source of conflict can lead to anger or hatred, even violence and vengeance, more so if it is under false objectives or at the expense of the common good.

Some deeper issues of conflict can be very difficult to resolve. It requires great strength of character, with a certain amount of patience (linked to time), courage, humility and forgiveness in the person who is personally involved. Men and women with great experience perhaps in their own lives would best be able to attempt to help others in these situations if called to do so.

In order to attempt to resolve conflicts, here's the thing. Accredited psychologists from Maslow to Freud have made the distinction between the two; material interests or personal needs. Interests in this case are tangible. This can be jobs/career, money, land, materials, and just simply things. We can trade this stuff and they can be chopped and changed, negotiated and compromised. Whereas needs, this is different. These are linked to our identity, inner security, values, respect or recognition which is down to the very core nature of our own human dignity. These needs that we carry in our hearts and minds are not for trading and not to be compromised. The most damaging conflicts are linked to our needs. One would have to be pretty on top of oneself to crack the nut and be able to distinguish between the two if you are personally involved in them. To make it sound simple, if you make a decision on an interest that may compromise your own integrity, good luck! Unfortunately this can happen as we are unwilling to cut our losses by exposing a small part of ourselves as we wish to show. 

When there is a conflict of interests (jobs and material) involving different parties, mixed up with a lack of personal needs (identity&values), this results in a problem. If this situation persists long enough, there will, virtually in all cases, be a value breakdown,  a breach in trust occurs, increased barriers arise and a time of crisis may unfold as the problems will slowly be revealed. A value breakdown would have to stem from something rotten in the foundation or at the source.

Let’s take some of the deeper problems we have already experienced in some of our businesses or in finance as an example, where we deal with money (interest). How can we make this interest turn on its head by respecting the needs whereby regaining the much needed confidence, and trust in humanity or our society? Well, with some ingenuity, one solution could be to create your money for a purpose fitting to the times of today. An example could be sustainability. Create a mission statement, ‘we make our money work for ecological development and employment.’ You have a win-win outcome. The needs are respected and no longer trampled on as we start believing in ourselves whilst our insecurities subside. We start blending the two as we avoid creating dangerous conflict, harm or any long term suffering or damage not just to ourselves but to others.

In short, great personal awareness, grace and poise with a ῝maĆ®tre de soi῞ is needed so as to re-define our purpose.  What do I have to lose? In the long term you will win. You will reach the heights of your goals, hopes and dreams despite the transient opposing forces or circumstances. You will find that conflict moves away elsewhere as it is uncovered or self-destructs thanks to the unique virtues that you hold. The life of the green shoots from the banks of the flowing rivers will blossom. This is our enduring promise. This is how some of the greatest of men in the history of mankind have existed including many quietly behind the scene of all types. Men and women of meaning like Gandhi or Malala Yousafzai. Those with with the inner peace, of untold belief and of vision. And those with joy bearing a great standing and understanding that have entered into the realm of our living history.

'Just imagine what I can do'

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